Preparing a Trophy Kid Generation for Real Life in a Tough World

Trophy Kids...

Times are changing.  This is 2016. Teaching discipline and respect to the current generation takes a lot of hard work. Yelling at children is wrong, spanking children is wrong, labeling a child is wrong  unless of course there is money to be made by the drug companies for the prescribed medications.

Times are different! We all know this.

The current trend in education and sports is to raise the level of self-esteem in kids (and adults) through rewarding them for participation, regardless of the effort or lack of effort involved. In some scholastic programs, kids are passed to the next grade even if they don't pass their classes, teacher's aids may even end up actually doing their homework for them.


WE ARE ALL WINNERS! But are we?

Since the mid 1990's, I have had the opportunity to teach and lead young adults and children through some of the toughest and greatest moments of their lives, providing mentorship, providing the assistance they needed to overcome their obstacles.  Throughout that time I have come to realize, and will show you, that our current Trophy Kid generation is headed for big trouble if we as parents, teachers, coaches, or mentors, continue to enable this debilitating behavior and practice.

Here are the major reasons that the Trophy Kid/Adult mentality stagnates our society.

Kids Stop Living up to their Potential

If kids know they will receive an award, trophy or martial arts belt regardless of how hard they work, or DON'T work, then what is the point of trying to do your best?

You see the same thing from adults who work for organizations that reward everyone across the board, or provide annual pay raises across the board whether you worked hard or not. Even worse is when employees see slackers get a performance rating just as high, or higher than those who are truly working their butts off.

Kid’s are Paralyzed by Failure

All day, every day, parents are snapping pictures and photos and putting them on their social media pages; however, we generally only post the most perfect of those pictures and videos. Our lives are perfect, our marriages are perfect, our kids are perfect right?

Here is how this scenario backfires. First, kids get so used to being a winner, even when they are doing something wrong, that all they care about is being a winner, being perfect. These are the types of kids who have a complete break down when they are unable to do something at school or in sports perfectly. It is not even that they are doing it bad or wrong, just not as good as some of the other kids.

They can't handle that, and you can see the frustration begin to set in. You can see their eyes glance back to their parents, coaches or teachers every couple of seconds in the hopes that their parents, teachers or coaches are not witnessing their less than perfect attempts.  The Trophy Life paralyzes kids, physically and mentally. It is unhealthy.

Fixated on Mistakes

Next, kids get so overwhelmed by their own perfectionism that they stop looking at how far they have come in school, their grades, sports, or martial arts and they constantly fixate their language and attitudes on their mistakes.  They become negative, detached, all work and no play, overly competitive, and may bully or lash out at kids who they can't outshine.

They can become the whiny, negative kid that no one wants to be around, or other parents don't want their kids around.  Why, because the kids can become a ticking fuse that can short circuit every time things don't go their way, or when mom and dad are not overly proud of their current efforts at a given activity.

No Longer Fooled by Trophies

Make no mistake, you can't fool kids for long. Kids learn 50% of everything they need to know about surviving in life by the age of 5... Again, you won't fool them for long. Eventually kids figure out that even though they are horrible at a given activity, that people will continue to give them things. i.e. recognize them, i.e. show them some attention, if they participate.

Over time, participating and coming in last place, or embarrassing moments can take their toll and a kid will not want to participate at all.  After all, "What is the point, I am going to come in last anyway" right?

Lack of Motivation

Finally, kids come to the point where they lose all motivation for an activity, or school, or you name it. They don't give their best, because they know they will get rewarded regardless, but then they want to progress because they all of their peers start progressing right past them.

They are too far behind the pack to fake it, an too under motivated to catch up. So they mentally quit, and then eventually do it physically.

HOW DO WE FIX THE PROBLEM?

Let's start the progress back to sanity by seeing what an NFL player, James Harrison, recently did:


"I came home to find out that my boys received two trophies for nothing, participation trophies! While I am very proud of my boys for everything they do and will encourage them till the day I die, these trophies will be given back until they EARN a real trophy. I'm sorry I'm not sorry for believing that everything in life should be earned and I'm not about to raise two boys to be men by making them believe that they are entitled to something just because they tried their best...cause sometimes your best is not enough, and that should drive you to want to do better...not cry and whine until somebody gives you something to shut you up and keep you happy. #harrisonfamilyvalues"


1.  Teach your kids, that life is not easy, life is often unfair, and nothing is dished out in equal portions - not singing voices, not good looks, not athletic ability, not intelligence, nothing. We all have varying levels of all of these right?


2.  Teach your kids that due to these varying levels of skill and abilities, sometimes you will not win, because you were not the best person TODAY; however, if you work hard, you can become the best person TOMORROW.


3.  Realize that participation trophies, medals, certificates and promotions can cause kids to underachieve. Underachievement shows up as a lack of motivation, and resentment for activities or people they once cared deeply about, but who are now their competitor for attention in some way.

Also, in extreme, but all too common cases, kids can start getting into trouble. Why, because they figure out that they are not, and life is not as perfect as the picture we painted as parents, teachers and coaches. They come face to face with their mistakes and shortcomings and if they can't live up to your expectations in a good way, to get attention, a trend of negative behavior can begin. In other words, "speak good of me, speak bad of me, but speak of me."


4. Tell your kids that you love them often, and that love does not mean that you will dismiss laziness, lack of motivation, or bad behavior, but that you will push them to succeed, to give their best at every turn.   Even if the current trends in our society see kids never leaving home because they are comfortable, that does not mean, we, as parents will always be there to hold their hand.  More often that not though, they will venture out into Real Life in a Tough World that does play by our family rules. We have to prepare them for this now.


TODAY IS THE DAY TO MAKE A CHANGE IN YOUR FAMILY, FOR LEGACY'S SAKE. Let kids learn the meaning of hard work again, to know the pain of failure, and the joy's of success. Without the pain of success, it is tough to break out of their cocoon and fly away with strength in their wings.


Thank you for reading, please comment below, or share with your friends and family.

Benjamin Moriniere is a martial arts expert, entrepreneur, business consultant and motivational speaker living in Okinawa, Japan. Visit www.StayHumbleKickHard.com for more information.

4 Tips that Will Stop you from Being a Quitter - Stay Humble, Kick Hard

4 Tips that Will Keep you from Being a Quitter.

In today's first world we have quit built into our lives like no other time in history. We quit when our happiness fades, we quit when we have a couple of bad days in a row, we quit because it is easy and convenient. So we think.

Here are 4 tips that I hope you will use to create a better world for you and yours. A world without a quitter's mentality.

1. Remember why you Started!

Time and daily trials quickly make us take our eyes off of why we started a new job, got married, or began a new hobby like martial arts.

Remembering why you started will help you to refocus your energies back onto your goals and dreams, on what you love and are passionate about.

2. Positive People

You have got to stop listening to negative people, and taking advice from people, especially friends and family, who don't know what they are talking about.

Hang around people that add value to you through truthful, love-filled, encouraging words.

3. Never Give Up

Never give in to the pressure. The pressure is designed to make you a stronger father, mother, fighter, employee, etc.

When you go to work, and you love your job, you do everything you can to overcome, because that is what your boss expects of you. Great leaders want you to figure it out, not make excuses why it can't be done.

Likewise, if you are going to conquer the struggles in your life, then learn to figure out ways to work through your setbacks. Learning to work through your setbacks can be a victory in itself, even without actually accompishling a grand, specific goal.

4. You Will Not Be Happy Everyday

If you think or were told marriage, your dream job, martial arts, college, or anything else you love to do would bring you happiness everyday, then you are living in a fairy tale.

You have to be able to allow yourself to have bad days, not in the sense that you allow yourself to feel defeated, but that you recognize that they are a part of life.

Now, the key to harnessing this specific tip, is to realize that you can't let bad days define the totality of a relationship, with your training, or with your job satisfaction.

Learn how to shake it off fast, and not shift so much negativity towards those around you. Don't give up on the war just because you lost a few battles. This a lifelong journey.

Thank you for reading and tuning in to this blog and video.

Stop by the main website at www.stayhumblekickhard.com and catch the video version as well https://youtu.be/lwqhU7IQfBM

Benjamin Moriniere  ''Sensei''

3 Reasons Why I Dislike CrossFit-Style Workouts and Why Cross Fit Coaches are Destroying HIIT Protocols

Here are the top 3 reasons that I dislike Crossfit workouts, and why I think fitness enthusiasts, martial artists, sports coaches and athletes should find a better workout regimen. 

Before I get into the meat of this post, I want to mention that I am not against working out hard, but I am against a philosophy that is doing more damage than good, that can leave you in a world off pain, sometimes unrecoverable, for the rest of your life. 

...and here we go!

Philosophy... The REAL One

According to the CrossFit's website, "CrossFit is constantly varied functional movements performed at relatively high intensity. All CrossFit workouts are based on functional movements, and these movements reflect the best aspects of gymnastics, weightlifting, running, rowing and more."

Sounds great right? I am sure the creator CrossFit, Greg Glassman, created the workout regimen because he knew it would change the world. It has, but somewhere in the booming, growing stages of CrossFit, something went wrong. 

People began to solely focus on getting the best time, and the most reps, and much less on a safe, sustainable workout that pays dividends to your health now and in the future. 

Back when I was a younger martial artists and trainer, I thought doing thousands of kicks a day was "the" way to to train, the way to get better. I though the pain in my hip was hard work, and never realized it was just the grinding of my hip on kicks 200 to 1,000, because kick 199 was the last kick I did with proper form.

There is a way to train hard, but safely and CrossFit has lost this aspect. When, I hear someone talk about their CrossFit workouts in passing, I glance over and the first thing I think to myself is, "I hope they don't get hurt."  Not because I am a hater, but because I actually care! I care about the fitness and martial arts journey, over a life a time, not a few lifts to get their name on the board of a CrossFit Box.

If this was a few years ago, I would have said that CrossFit needs an overhaul of its current training philosophy, but in 2016, I would say that HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) has rightfully replaced CrossFit. 

I would encourage you to do some research for yourself, to see how HIIT protocols have proven to provide the most gains, the most bang for the buck of any type of workout, and when that is coupled with a safe, knowledgeable instructor or coach, people can't help but improve their health, safely and over time... did I mention safely? 

Purpose

"Functional Fitness" is what CrossFit calls their workouts. Fitness, yes - functional, are you sure?  I choose the Burn With Kearns MMA Fitness HIIT protocol as my regimen to help students melt fat and have a ton of fun doing it, and guess what, we perform some of the same "CrossFit" typical exercises (gasp).  

The difference is WHY we do it, and I am speaking directly to purpose. Every exercise I give to a client or student has a functional purpose, i.e. I can communicate to them exactly what this movement or that movement translates to in "real" life, or in the MMA ring or when they are fighting a war in Afghanistan. It is a rule of those I have graduated to the level of instructor, that at every moment, they must be able to provide the WHY to any exercise.  That is true  functional fitness, and that communication, which I have never seen or or heard of being provided in a CrossFit workout, is the bridge between connecting the body to the mind. Once the mind is actively thinking its way through routines, people are able to give more to the workout, which equals better results... faster. 

To be fair though, I have to knock the majority of pure HIIT trainers as well. I see them follow in suite with CrossFit mined instructors, never providing the purpose of training, they why or "what does it all mean" to participants.

Injuries

Come on now, you know I could not talk about CrossFit in this manner, without talking about injuries. You see, both the philosophy and lack of purposed functional fitness in CrossFit lend itself to injuries.  I mentioned earlier that when I hear of someone who just started CrossFit, I think to myself, or say to them if they ask me what I think, "Be safe and don't get hurt."

With a philosophy so bent on getting the best time, doing the more reps, or just pushing your body too far causing massive shoulder, back, hip and knee injuries, no wonder smart gyms, sports teams and fitness facilities are quickly moving to HIIT style workouts. Business owners and coaches saw the rise in injuries, i.e. lost clients and athletes, i.e. lost revenue, and had to make a change. 

Even the US military, who used to be super gung-ho for CrossFit style routines, shrunk away from the force destabilizing workout regimens. Military members were becoming combat ineffective, unable to perform their duties in the war zone, because they were stuck back home completing physical therapy.  All because they wanted to do more reps, or get a better time than their battle buddy.  Once the military began to notice an alarming trend, they began to look for a better, safer solution, and found that in HIIT protocols.

HIIT protocols should be safer, theoretically. However, CrossFit coaches within the military system, who suddenly had to ditch Crossfit for HIIT, found themselves trying to instruct their same target audiences, but with a different philosophy and similar but different rules. This has been disastrous, seeing that the HIIT (or the Army's self named Extreme Condition Program, ECP) continues to have high rates of injury. 

CrossFit trainers need re-training so that they can enter into the HIIT world fully prepared to provide a much different experience; a much safer experience. They need to learn how to develop basic techniques, to modify techniques due to existing injuries, to teach people to focus on being healthy for the long term. Coaches and others need to realize that although Muhammad Ali said he didn't start counting his sit-ups until they started hurting, is not saying that he conceded to do sloppy sit-ups just so that he could meet his number for the day. Coaches also need to be able to relay the true, functional purpose of an exercise or routine, and relate it to practical movements.

Now, I know there are tons of people reading this blog that may completely disagree with what I am saying, and there are some who completely agree, but nevertheless, here is what I hope. I hope that if you do continue CrossFit, that you don't get hurt. That you find the purpose in every workout and every movement, and that you can train for the rest of your life. Here is reality though. I don't know many people who did not eventually get a major injury due to CrossFit. It may not have been when they started out, and it may not have been after a few years, but it eventually caught up to them one day.

In upcoming posts, we will talk about how you can meet the transition that is already occurring, the leap from CrossFit to HIIT protocols. There are some things that every one needs to know, both as a participant, and as a coach. STAY TUNED.

Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment below and let me know what you think about CrossFit and HITT.

BENJAMIN MORINIERE "Sensei" 

Owner / Head Instructor / Performer / Fighter / Master Fitness Trainer (BwK Level 3)

STAY HUMBLE - KICK HARD | Blog and Shop

www.stayhumblekickhard.com

Capoeira Academy Okinawa

Capoeira Zoador | Yudansha MMA | Ladies Kickboxing | Caveirinha BJJ

Tel 098-936-8883 / Cell: 080-1710-9050

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Muhammad Ali - 5 Awesome Quotes from a Runaway Mouth

Muhammad Ali was an American professional boxer. Early in his career, Ali was known for being an inspiring, controversial and polarizing figure both inside and outside the boxing ring. 

No matter whether we agree with his views, beliefs or even whether he was the greatest boxer of all time, a person of his caliber definitely has something to share through words of wisdom. 

Here are a few quotes from his life that resonate with me as a martial artist and an entrepreneur! 

1. The man who views the world the same at 50, as he did when he was 20, wasted 30 years of his life.

2. Silence is golden when you can't think of a good answer. 

3. It isn't the mountains ahead to climb that wear you out; it's the pebble in your shoe. 

4. I hated every minute of training, but I said to myself, Don't quit, suffer now and live the rest of your life as a champion. 

5. I've made my share of mistakes on the way, but if I have changed even one life for the better, I haven't lived in vain.

Thank you for taking a look at my blog. Let me know your thoughts on Ali,  his spectacular career and his efforts in the community.

Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"

@CapoeiraOkinawa

5 Essential Workout Tools for People on the Go

You are busy, have places to go and things to do! However, getting a good workout in is a priority for you right, because we all know how missing a few workout days can truly dampen our mood, and set back our gains.

Here is the solution to your travel woes and the busy 15#.  These 5 items are affordable, compact, go anywhere tools that will help keep you on track! Be sure to follow my page, to get exclusive new exercises for each piece of equipment.

1.       Jump Rope

Ah, the tried and true jump rope. If you can only grab one item, then this is what you should grab. The benefits are endless, and you can mix in traditional, interval and even reactionary exercises to spice up your routines as needed. Speed up, slow down, get funky with it!

2.       Stability Ball w/ Pump

Amazingly, you can deflate a stability ball after it has been inflated, and pack the ball and your small pump into your suitcase. I know you have never thought of that! We tend to inflate the ball and leave it like that indefinitely, but yes, if you pack it up, it will only take 5 minutes to inflate it again, especially if you have a smaller ball. 

I recommend a smaller ball for busy travelers.  Instead of the huge 55-70cm range, I recommend something more in the 25-40cm range. These smaller stability balls give you instant access to challenging exercises that will build balance, core strength, abs, arms, legs and hips.

3.       Agility Ladder

A great tool to get the heart rate going and to work on your footwork, agility, strength, endurance and balance all at the same time. Matter of fact, you can modify the rungs on the ladder to cut down on space. Instead of a 10 rung ladder, try a five rung ladder and work on moving forward and backward, or building the directional changes into your footwork.

4.       WearBands

One the most awesome and effective breakthroughs in portable exercise equipment in a long time. Wearbands provide a go anywhere, do anything challenge in speed, agility and power. The bands keep your legs and core activated at all times i.e. there is no cheating with Wearbands on, which can increase the same workout by 25%, or cut your regular workout time by 25% for those who have busy schedules. Grab yours today at www.wearbands.com and use my code "wearbandssensei" to get a 10% discount.

5.       Bungee

A tool I use almost everyday to enhanc-ify what could seemingly be a normal workout. It packs tight and comes in various thicknesses and amounts of resistance.  I tend to like the tough bungees with around 100lbs of resistance, because I do a variety of martial arts movements. However, you will want to get the one the best suits your workout needs.

Busy people still love to work out, and through today's crazy, awesome gadgets we can all do the more efficiently. I hope you enjoyed the blog. Please leave a comment below. I would like to know what you thought about this blog, or answer any questions you may have. If you would like me to address a certain topic as well, please let me know.

Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"

Martial Artist and Entrepreneur in Japan

www.facebook.com/CapoeiraAcademyOkinawa

@CapoeiraOkinawa

When Hate comes to Paradise ~ Okinawa, Japan

I live on the other side of the world, literally, from where I was raised in Texas. For the last 12 years, though, I have called Okinawa, Japan my home, and I love it here!

It is a beautiful place in a beautiful country, rich with culture all around. However, there is no perfect place in the world, and our communities have their own problems too.

Okinawa is a place that was devastated during the final days of World War 2, when the Japanese military dug themselves into the mountains and caves of Okinawa and fought until the end, many of whom committed ritual suicide rather than surrender.

Unfortunately, and tragically, over a quarter of a million civilians on Okinawa also lost their lives as the US military peppered the island with artillery shells trying to uproot the Japanese Imperial Navy.

Since then the road has been anything but cordial. Well, without heartache. Every so often in our modern Okinawa, an American commits a heinous crime of hate and/or passion against a Japanese citizen and it completely devastates all of the steps the Okinawans and Americans took towards each other in the years leading up to a crime. This, coupled with the protest by Okinawans and mainland Japanese to return to lands that US bases occupy back to Okinawa, are a dark cloud always looming on the horizon, that can blow in at anytime.

Right now, for many Okinawas in the Okinawa community, the hate runs deep. I think being an African American who grew up in Texas, sometimes living in townships that were openly hostile towards African Americans, has someone what prepared me for the hate, but it does not dismiss the fact that our little island is going through some massive changes. Things will never be the same again, and maybe they should not be.

In the coming weeks, all of us will come to know who we really are, the value of human life, but I hope the power of true love for our fellow man.

Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"

Hard Work and Consistency Breed Success SO NEVER GIVE UP

It is simple… NEVER GIVE UP.

After training thousands of people in martial arts and fitness over the years, I can tell you there is NO substitute for hard work, and coming in a close second is attendance, i.e. consistency.

A champion in life or anything is someone that falls down but never gives up, a black belt is a white belt that never quit, a winner is a person that just won’t take losing for an answer…  Consistent hard work breeds success, period.

Here is the thing though… All successful people experience some valleys in their lives, but find a way to not only overcome doldrums, but use those down and out times or feelings to fuel self-development and progress.

I have had the honor and privilege of being a champion at many different things in life from football, to track and field, martial arts and even designing buildings.

One thing is for sure. On the way towards every single one of those life-changing moments, I ran into some horrible, terrible obstacles, failed many times and definitely lost a lot.

The only way past those obstacles though, especially when you fall flat on your face, is sheer will power, faith and a lot of stubbornness; hopefully a dash of great support through friends and mentors.

In parting let me leave you with a quick story. During my time as a logistics officer with the US Army, part of my job was to ensure that we kept our forces fueled. Sometimes the source of the fuel was a “gas station” or sometimes it was a huge oil tanker in the harbor. We would hook up extremely long hoses, or run the fuel through pipelines for miles so that the fuel could reach its destination. Sure enough there were hills, valley, rivers and mountains that pipelines had to navigate.  So, every so often we prepared a pumps station. This pump station provided an extra PUSH for the fuel, especially when the fuel pipeline was traveling up an incline. Otherwise the fuel would slow down to the point where it was too heavy and the pressure was too great for the fuel to reach its destination.

Well, friends, make up in your mind that each goal is not an end point, but a pump station in a much longer journey called life. Stay consistent, push forward and when you reach a goal, it will provide you the motivation and energy to keep reaching for the next goal.

NEVER give up, NEVER give in. NEVER quit. You CAN do it!

~ Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"