4 Sure Ways to Make your Business Shine in the Community

Care About Your Community

The first thing you have to do if you want to make an impact in your community is to care. You have to have a genuine heart for the community. In another blog post titled, Don't set out to make Money, Set out to Make a Difference, I speak about having the proper intention and goals for your business. Part of that is of course reaching out to the community. However, realize that your approach makes the difference. When people get a sense that you are completely in it for yourself, they will cease to gravitate your way. Don't get me wrong though, you should want to do better, and see your business prosper, but don't do it at the expense of sacrificing character, trust and integrity in your network of customers and friends.

I also don't want you to feel that you should be a part of every community project. There will be certain things that you have a natural burden for and that is fine. Don't ever feel guilty about that. Everyone has a different burden, and that is what you should stick too, because that is where you will be the most successful and most fulfilled.

Look for Problems

There are problems to be solved everywhere. There are some problems out there in your community that will not sway you in any way, and again, that is ok, maybe that is someone else's burden.  However, there will be certain problems in your community that will make you lose sleep until you start helping. It will be on the forefront of your mind, and it will essentially call out to you for help in some way.  Make a list of those areas and organizations. Those are what you and your business should focus on in the short or long term.

Give Time, Talent and Resources

Once you find areas in your community for which you have a passion and the skills and talents to make a difference in, reach out to those organizations. For many organization, maybe the most you can offer is finances, however you may have an opportunity to do much more; demonstrations, motivational speaking, tutoring, mentoring, etc. Your resources don't consist of money only, but they also include your time and talents. Use what you have, start where you are and do all you can.

Provide Solutions

At the end of the day, the people that matter are not people that complain about everything they see, and champion every cause that comes along, but rather the people who come up with and implement solutions to problems. If you want to matter in your community, and you want to be a business that matters, then be an active part of bringing solutions to your community's problems. NOW, you are making a difference! 

You can start doing this in several ways, through social media, or attending meetings, or becoming part of organizations. Ultimately you will have to be a doer. There are a lot of talkers, especially in the business world, but you need to be a doer if you want to be influential!

If you follow this step by step, you and your business will become a light in your community. A shining beacon of being involved and giving back.

Take Control of Yourself through Martial Arts

Martial artists learn to control their power, and that is why they can do great things physically and mentally. As I was observing students training handstands during one of my classes, I noticed that instead of maintaining proper form they were all over the place. Some students were falling here, some were falling there. Some were doing the splits and some were not pointing their toes, etc. In other words, it there was a just a big mess on the mat and with a lot of students training at the same time, that can also be a safety hazard.

So, I brought all the students in for a huddle and said, "If you can control your power, you can do great things." The following are the basic stages we go through as we learn to control our power, and not just for martial arts, but for all walks of life.

Ignorance is Bliss

The first stage of control, is that you don't know and you don't care if you have control. Students at this stage of development have generally never done particular movements, techniques or exercises. They have no baseline or measuring tool to understand that they are completely out of control. Some may think they are in control, but to the trained and initiated they are "all over the place." In order for a student to move on from this level, they have to finally "get it."  Essentially, they have to come to the hard realization that no matter their past experiences, at this particular junction in  bodily movement, they are a beginner. Moreover, as a new student training with more advanced students, the new student will be prodded and trapped to lose their mental and emotional bearing. During the early stages, new students have no idea that they are being manipulated into an experienced students' hands. Ultimately frustration prompts the new students to realize they are out of control and they don't have a solution to overcome the experiences they are facing. 

Realize You are Out of Control

Once a student realizes that they out of control, they can begin to assess themselves and critique their own progress. They will begin to observe more than talk, they will begin to ask many more questions to understand where they are, and how to get to where they would like to be. Denial is a big river to wade through, and it takes different amounts of time for people to accept that that they are out of control. However, through asking the questions, and making a conscious and serious decision to improve, students can take control of their self physically and emotionally. Students will start to realize when others are taking advantage of them as well. Students are now learning instead of going through the motions. 

Take Control

At this level of training, a student is fine tuning their techniques and movements, and making them their own.   As I tell many people, everyone's body is different, so every single move ever created will work slightly different. Therefore students will have to make the movements their own.  Teachers teach basics over and over, not with the wish that all students become exactly like them, but that they would develop what works for them. Students are also developing their mental and emotional maturity. The great thing about this stage is that it transfers to all parts of someone's life. Martial arts is very transformative like that. Those who were too aggressive gain balance in life. Those who were too timid, gain balance in life. Those who were always kind of balances, learn to take it to one extreme or the other depending on the situations they are presented with. As an instructor it is a beautiful transformation to watch.

Teachers and students alike have a responsibility to improve. We must all help each other move through the stages of growth when it comes to control - Ignorance, Realization that I have no Control, and Taking Control.  Taking control of yourself physically, mentally and emotionally solidifies a person's ability to overcome anything life can throw at them.

Benjamin "Sensei" Moriniere
Entrepreneur and Martialpreneur in Japan
www.capoeira-okinawa.com
@CapoeiraOkinawa

Scared to Get Out of the Military? Don't be, Here is Why!

I meet so many people who are completely horrified when it comes to the idea of getting out of the military. There IS life after the military and one day, even if you don't want to, you will have to transition out. If you are indeed scared to get out of the military, don’t be and here is why…

 

 

1. More family time!

 

 

2. The civilian equivalent of your military job probably starts around 2X as much salary plus benefits. (Start job hunting at a year to a year and a half out. Even greater than your technical skills, is the leadership skills the military provided. Companies want leaders).

 

 

3. If you are pre-retirement, you can transfer to the Government service under (APF or NAF), and buy back your service time. You have a limited period of time at your new government position to initiate the Military Service Buy Back Credit that will allow you to “purchase” your military time and ADD it to your Government Civilian Service Time.

 

 

EXAMPLE: You were not retained from the US Navy after 15 year in service and you buy back 15 years of Navy service and put it towards your new job working at the Pentagon. Well, now you have only 5 years left until you meet the Minimum Retirement Requirements for Civilian Service… awesome right?

 

 

4. If you really want to finish your military career, you can join the Reserves! It will take you longer to get to retirement, but you can still do it.

 

Benjamin "Sensei" Moriniere

Entrepreneur, Martialpreneur in Japan

@CapoeiraOkinawa

3 Things Every Parent Should Know About Their Teenager

For the last 17 years, I have worked with some of the brightest people in the world; teen groups at schools and churches across America and with American, International and Japanese teens in Japan. Things have definitely changed since I was a teenager, but one thing is for sure, there is still a method to the madness.

What I have found in most parents is that they are simply naive to the lives of their children. The culture has shifted, and in order to connect with kids today, you need your old school values filtered through the medium with which the younger generation communicates.

Parents are still far too naive nowadays. They honestly think their kids don’t know much at all, but they do.  Parents think they have been successful at sheltering their kids from the harmful things in life, but that is completely untrue. The average kid knows more about what is going on than us out of tune parents. Here are "3 Things that Every Parent Should Know About Their Teenager."

They Know Far More Than You Think They Know

Parents think that their kids don't know about sex, but they see it all the time on their computers, smart phones, and of course television. By middle school they are already experimenting, with some kids having actual intercourse. I've read various statistics, but some of them have reported that by the time they finish high school, about 80% of them are no longer virgins. Purity before marriage is a thing of the past, because all of their friends are doing "it", and pulling them right into the sexual scene. Of course many other factors have led to this downward spiral in sexual morality, which we will take about in depth later.

They also know a great deal about money and sex appeal. They know how to give you the puppy eyes when they need some money, they know how to give a boyfriend or girlfriend the same puppy eyes, or even use their bodies because they know sex sells. I don't mean to say that they are having sex to get what they want, but that they know the formula (sex appeal).  Society and the media have taught them that money and sex appeal is to be valued above all other things. They are interested in either being sexy, cool or super smart.  At least that is the diet they are fed 24/7.  What I mean by that is that they are learning you can do better in life by flaunting your sex appeal, through being part of the  "in" crowd, or by being a super smart "geek", like the founders of Microsoft or Facebook.

For teens the “in” crowd, and peer pressure is everything and conformity to those “in crowd” groups may be at the expense of dropping long seated morals or even specific instructions from parents or other authority figures. No teen wants to be a part of the outcast, teased or bullied groups. That is hell on earth for a teen.

Teens know far more about computers than we do. As I mentioned, I do a lot of work with teens, and they really know how to coordinate and slide around their parents to get things done. Parents feel like they are in control by turning on different setting and permissions on computers and smart phones and guess what, it doesn't even matter. Teens are three steps ahead of you and they switch networks as soon as a new one comes out. Facebook to them is old news, Twitter is old news. They are on so many networks wherein they use different profiles, alias names, etc. that you will never find out what they are doing, unless you steal their phones from them before they can lock it. (=

 

They Don’t Know As Much As They Think They Know

Experts say 50% of everything we know in life we have already learned by five years old. Now, I am sure they are not specifically talking about math and literature, but most of what we learn at that age is how to get our way right? We also learn about love, and consequences and rewards as well. You know, social skills, how to play well and interact with society.

Teens want you to know that latch-key parenting doesn’t work. It just leaves teen confused, hurting and looking for other things to fill the void. Teens are learning how to do things without parents, because many parents are too busy to care.  The average father only spends five to seven minutes of quality time a day with their kids. Let me define quality time though. I don’t mean just sitting there and watching TV together, or even eating or playing catch together. What I mean is teaching kids about life by speaking positive thoughts into their lives, explaining, or demonstrating why certain things matter, why certain behaviors are ok or not ok, and even when they are ok. Teaching teens how to help someone moving heavy boxes, or open the door for a woman, or how to balance a paycheck. THAT is quality time.

Teens don’t know how to contain their emotions and hormones.  One of my mentors loves to make the quote, “You can only trust teenagers as far as you can see them.”  What he means is that it’s not that you don’t love your kids, but you understand that you were a kid once, and you know how you were at their age.  During the teenager years we just started smelling ourselves so to speak, we are discovering ourselves and we are also discovering more and more about the opposite sex right.

As a parent, knowing that there are so many pressures on teens to conform to the in-crowd while trying to listen to you at the same time, and knowing that they inadvertently put themselves into emotionally and hormone ripe situations for bad things to happen, we have to safeguard and plan for wrong decisions.  The same mentor that made the quote about “only trusting teens as far as he could see them” also said that “you are not a good parent if you have never heard “you are the worst dad or mom in the world,” some where along your parenting journey.  It actually means that you are doing something right. Sometimes, well most of the time, looking out for your kid’s best interest means that you will have to be strict enough with them that they will get mad from time to time.  We all know as we mature into adulthood, we came to appreciate most of what are parents were trying to do with us, and so it will be with your teens. Right now though, they see through a foggy window at best, trying to understand the "pain" you are putting them through by not allowing them to do just anything they want.

Teens Want You To Know That They Love You

Sure, peer pressure and the techno-media have ripped families apart. People are texting instead of talking, while sitting with each at dinner for 30 minutes.  The convoluted illusions we portray to the world have become our escape from reality, but guess what, your teens love you! They want you to know it, but they don’t know how to express it.  The funny thing is that they feel too childlike when they do. After all they are young adults now!

As parents, let your kids know that they can express themselves and be honest with you. Recently, I wrote another blog concerning teens that said that “parents should be their kid’s best friend.” That is much better than being just an authority figure without a deep relationship. There is no buy in from the teen to listen to what you have to say, if it does not concern getting something from you, e.g.  money and material things.

Your teens just don’t need a parent, or a friend, but a best friend that they respect as their parent. They need to know you have their back more than anyone in this world.  Again, I am speaking about more than just for money and material things. You really need to invade their space. Be a Space Invader. I know a lot of parents who believe that giving their teens space to grow is better in the long run. Well, not if you want them to grow up as you envisioned. Every good gardener prunes the vegetation in their garden if they care. The space and privacy you give your teens is filled with all sorts of mess that can truly lead them in bad directions full of worse decisions. So be a part of their lives, every step of the way.

All in all, teens want quality time. We talked briefly in the paragraphs above about quality time and what that truly entails.  Quality time is simply time devoted exclusively to nurturing a cherished person or activity. It’s a coined phrase that can only be traced back to 1985-1990.   Fitting, because that is about the time we, as a society, became so enthralled in our work that our families began to suffer for it.   If there is anything I want you to take away from this short blog about Teens, it is that they love you and they need you to be around. Your family is far more important than any job or extracurricular activity. Our kids are our legacy, and it is our utmost responsibility to rear them up in the way that they should go.

Thank you for reading and sharing this.

Benjamin “Sensei” Moriniere

www.twitter.com/CapoeiraOkinawa 

3 Reasons Why You Should Be Your Child's Best Friend

Recently, during the weekend of Father's Day 2014, I had the awesome opportunity to participate in many discussions with some very wise people, from whom I gleaned a lot of great wisdom about fatherhood.  It was a very great time of communication and sharing of experiences across generations.

However, during the middle of one discussion, a man mentioned the old adage, "Stop trying to be your kid's friend. I tell my kids, I am not your friend I am your Father."   With that statement, most of the men there, including myself, nodded their head in agreement or voiced some sort of affirmation and agreement with the statement.

However, I began to think to myself, maybe the reason parents are losing the younger generation is because we are not their friends. The older kids get, the more they listen to their friends, the more they communicate with their friends, the more they make life decisions based off of their friend's opinions.  That is something to think about in more depth. So, I submit to you, with the points below, that as parents we ought to start becoming our kid's best friends.

What does it Mean to be a Friend?

When I looked up the word friend in the dictionary, instead of sounding like something we should say we are not as parents, it was clear that the definition shows what we NEED to be. According to Dictionary.com a friend is defined as:

1.  A person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2.  A person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3.  A person who is on good terms with another; not hostile

Well, that definitely paints a different picture for us, and for the statement, "I am not your friend, I am your parent."  However, before I make any direct statements on this thesis, let's look at the other side. Since we are drawing a comparison between friend and parent when we use the statement, let's look at the definition of  'parent' as well. You will be surprised to see that the definition for parent is very simple and straight forward... Parent is defined as:

1. A Father or Mother
2. An ancestor, precursor, or progenitor
3. A source, origin, or cause
4. A protector or guardian

I think that is is clear to conclude that our statement in question, "I am not your friend, I am your parent," is being grossly misused in our society. Now, returning to our original thesis statement, I want to add that not only should we be a parent to our children but we should be friends with our kids. Furthermore, we should seek to be a best friend. I will use the definition of friend that we found, as the foundation of my  three reasons why we should be our child's best friend.

1. Because Kids Listen to those to whom they are Attached by Feelings and Personal Regard

As parents if we are to stay attached to our parents through the years as they grow and mature, then we ought to have a continuous friendship with them. If your came to your friend in time of need, and all you received was the cold shoulder, how many times would you keep coming back to them for a shoulder to cry on, or for advice? I am sure not too many times. Yet, as parents we think that we can be completely and totally disciplinarian without showing love and affection, and somehow think that our kids will come to us in times of great decision? Generally, no, the will seek help and advice from the place they feel most attached through feelings and personal regard. As heirs to your good name, don't treat your parent and child relationship as master and slave, but rather master and apprentice. 

If you want your children to grow up in love and adoration for you, to really understand love, then you have to be a friend. Sure we want them to understand the sacrifices we make as parents, but they won't understand that until they are well into adulthood. What they understand is what we display to them everyday spending time with them, and helping to mentor them through life and the developing of their gifts, talents, skills and abilities. 

Bottom Line:  Are your kids attached to your through feeling and personal regard, or only biologically? Just remember, they are still listening to and being influenced by someone, and if you want it to be you, be a better friend. 

2. Because Kids Listen to those who Show them Assistance and Support

Without a doubt, as parents you will indefinitely provide support for your children. There is no end to it, not when they grow up and move out, or even when they get married. As as long as you are alive, and maybe after you are gone as well, you will be supporting your children. The thing about providing support to children is that we have to show them we love them in the process. The failure of many parents is that they provide resources of money and material things instead of quality time, nurturing and direction, which is what kids want and need. We are going to pass on to our children who we are, and it is very hard to pass on who we are, our standards, our morals, beliefs and dreams, if we don't spend time with them. 

What type of organizations succeeds with absentee leadership, one where the CEO spends 5 or 10 minutes a day with his VPs? What if the CEO rarely makes a meeting, or rarely checks on employees' training programs? How would the company fair? What if the only time the CEO came around is when you wanted to resign from your position? It may work, once or twice. Yet, that is how we treat our kids. Think about it. 

Bottom Line: We pass on who we are by being examples to our children as we provide assistance and support to them. If we don't take the necessary time to do so, we should not be angry when we no longer recognize our child. The time and energy we failed to give, was substituted by other influences in their life, some of which, as parents, we should have safeguarded them against.

3. Because Kids Listen when Parents are on Good Terms and Not Hostile 

So, here we are. I think this point is that one that will truly get to the root of the statement, "I am not your friend, I am your parent."  Respect, mutual respect. I think that many parents who make the statement in question, are dealing with respect within the parameters of parent-ing, not being a parent.   I would submit to you, however, that respect, and certain boundaries, should be a part of any friendship as well.   

Do you let your friends treat you bad and with disrespect on a constant basis? Sure, maybe you have a few arguments with friends, but once the argument is completed and you are back on good terms, mutual respect returns to the relationship correct? So it is with parents and kids. By being a parent that demands respect and does not take the time to love, cherish and get to know their kids, then you are essentially a first level leader in your household. You want you kids to follow you because you are the law, period.   How many of those types of leaders do you truly listen to in your employment career (without despising them); bosses who try to win respect with their title and a handful of policies and regulations used as threats.

It's really about mutual respect. Sure you kids have to listen to you because it is your house and your rules, etc, but show them some respect as the future heirs to all your working on today for their bright tomorrow, and they will LOVE to listen to you. Teach and love them day in day out through mentorship and guidance. Do your best to stay on good terms, and look for ways to come back from arguments and disagreements as soon as possible. The point is not to win the argument, the point is to actively demonstrate and exemplary life. The one that you would like them to lead in the future. 

Bottom Line: Parenting is about respect, and so is a great friendship. If you want to be the type of parent that children listen to and come to, then build a better friendship, not a dictatorship. Great parents, like great leaders, influence people to make positive choices, they don't have to force them. Influence your kids by being a great friend to them! 

Thank you for taking some time out of your day to read through his blog post. Please leave any comments you like, and I look forward to hearing from you. 

Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"

3 Big DON'Ts You Can Learn from Maya Angelou

This week we celebrate the extraordinary life of  Maya Angelou.  She was one of the most expressive and courageous people of our generation, and in fact, of many generations.  Her strong words and presence will continue to echo for years to come, and as a martial artist, here are 3 big lessons we can learn from her extraordinary life.

Don't Live a Fearful Life

"Courage is the most important of all virtues, because, without courage, you can't practice any other virtue consistently. You can practice any virtue erratically, but nothing consistently without courage." As a professional martial artist and instructor I have had to be courageous in the face of opponents, and sometimes, in the face of  real world danger. I have had to be courageous trying to establish my own businesses, seeking new students, and even convincing my wonderful wife that I was not crazy for trying to follow a dream.  I am sure everyone had had a large number of situations in life where we had to be courageous.  Howbeit, in hindsight I have come to realize more and more that we waste a lot of our life living in fear. Sure we eventually deal with risk and pushing ourselves forward, but generally at a last resort. Most of us can be very courageous when backed into a corner.

However, if we are afraid to stand out from the crowd, or take some big risks, then we will live a very normal life. Life is hard for everyone, and if life will be hard for all of us, then let's choose to live life extraordinarily. There are many virtues that we learn throughout life, but what are they without the courage to walk out those virtues with a high level of compassion?  You can't live a compassionate life if fear grips your every decision.  Choose rather to be courageous, which is not the absence of fear at all, but the state of mind that says, I am moving forward anyway.

Don't Live a Defeated Life

"You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it."   Win or lose, up or down, in or out, we are learning! It feels great to be on top, to be the best, to be the tournament champ, but I, and we learn far more from our defeats. We all love mountain tops, but for every mountain top you climb there will be decent into a valley of some sort.  Valleys teach us two things; how to live defeated, or how to pull greatness out of ourselves.  The rougher the valley, the easier it is to climb a tougher mountain! Everything we need to be successful is already in us, and when we realize life is chiseling away at us, we have to take a step back and see the beautiful work of art that is forming. 

Therefore, we should not live as if we have been defeated, nor if someone owes us something for feeling down and defeated. Take your future in your hands, whatever it may be. Stand up straight and meet those challenges ahead with a firm handshake. We are never truly defeated, until we give up. Besides, confidence in yourself, your abilities and the common sense to improve where needed, speaks volumes.

Don't Ruin Your Good Reputation

"I 've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel." There are so many wise sayings covering a good reputation, but it really comes down our level of integrity and character. One day when life is over, we will all leave behind something, so just make sure one of things you leave behind is a good name i.e. reputation.  A good reputation is all you have sometimes, and it will speak on your behalf. That is why bankrupt CEOs can ask any bank for money and they will still give it to them. That is why we take advice from some friends, and do the very opposite of what other friend say. Think about it. 

The bottom line is that we build trust over time through our words and our deeds. As a martial artist and business owner I have to realize that my actions will increase or decrease my reputation, my trust factor, my influence factor. We all have to realize that our reputation extends to all aspects of our lives, relationships, work and family life. So, let every time someone mentions our name, no matter if they smile or frown, whether they like us or not, let it be with an understanding that we are striving to be people with a good reputation.


Benjamin Moriniere "Sensei"
Okinawa, Japan

Capoeira Music - Energy, Soul and Swing

"Capoeira music is music"... that's what a Mestre said to us all, as we listened attentively to every word that came out of his mouth, and every stroke of the berimbau during a batizado in Tokyo, Japan. That simple statement from Mestre Acordeon, the world reknowned Capoeira master, changed the way I saw Capoeira music forever.

Generally, you get used to hearing people belowing out Capoeira in their loudest voice and highest octave possible, followed in suit by students, bless their hearts, who sound like a wave of war trumpets sounding a charge.

After Mestre Acordeon reminded us all that Capoeira music is first music I began to understand things a bit differently. Sure they say that not all Capoeiristas learn music, and some of them won't touch an instrument (not to mention there are far fewer who get great at music), but great sounding music is just logical.  As a man who spent a third of my life in band, and most of my life singing and dancing, I truly have no excuses. The music should be great at all times.

The music coming from the roda, as one Capoeira Professor (Linguica) said, "Should give people goosebumps," and if that is not the case, we should continue to strive to improve. In my humble opinion, there are very few Capoeira music albums that I would listen to just for the music, and Mestre Acordeon would be one of those that I would listen to of course. His albums are truly great music, many songs which could be played along side regular hits on a worldbeat radio station.  For the most part though, Capoeira albums that have great musical quality seem to be made and produced by actual singers, who just decided to record a few Capoeira, Dance Afro, Samba or Maculele songs. Which is fine.

However, I think that in every school and in every roda we should strive to do better with our music abilities. (Believe me I am working harder and harder every day). Berimbaus should be tuned, instruments should be tuned, voices should be prepared and singing ranges should be identified. If no one in the academia has experience in or an ear for music, ask a professional musician or a voice trainer to stop by to help your group out. Your students will love it and the group will benefit all around.

Here in the video below, I am singing the chorus to a few of my favorite Capoeira songs in the key of D with the berimbau tuned to the key of D. I used to sing in a much higher octave and my voice cracked all the time or I couldn't hit some notes at all, and my Mestre, Sucuri, told me, "Your natural voice is great, stop trying to immitate the Mestre's your hear on CDs and DVDs and just sing with your voice." This was the result.

Thank you for reading and thank you Mestre Acordeon and Mestre Sucuri for the words of widsom. I know I am not great yet, but you both set my on a path to enrich my Capoeira journey even the more.

 

 

Benjamin "Foguete"

www.capoeira-okinawa.com

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