What I have found in most parents is that they are simply naive to the lives of their children. The culture has shifted, and in order to connect with kids today, you need your old school values filtered through the medium with which the younger generation communicates.
Parents are still far too naive nowadays.
They honestly think their kids don’t know much at all, but they do. Parents think they have been successful at
sheltering their kids from the harmful things in life, but that is completely
untrue. The average kid knows more about what is going on than us out of tune
parents. Here are "3 Things that Every Parent Should Know About Their Teenager."
They Know Far More Than You Think They Know
Parents think that their kids don't know about sex, but they see it all the time on their computers, smart phones, and of course television. By middle school they are already experimenting, with some kids having actual intercourse. I've read various statistics, but some of them have reported that by the time they finish high school, about 80% of them are no longer virgins. Purity before marriage is a thing of the past, because all of their friends are doing "it", and pulling them right into the sexual scene. Of course many other factors have led to this downward spiral in sexual morality, which we will take about in depth later.
They also know a great deal about money and sex appeal.
They know how to give you the puppy eyes when they need
some money, they know how to give a boyfriend or girlfriend the same puppy
eyes, or even use their bodies because they know sex sells. I don't mean to say
that they are having sex to get what they want, but that they know the formula
(sex appeal). Society and the media have
taught them that money and sex appeal is to be valued above all other things. They
are interested in either being sexy, cool or super smart. At least that is the diet they are fed 24/7. What I mean by that is that they are learning you
can do better in life by flaunting your sex appeal, through being part of
the "in" crowd, or by being a
super smart "geek", like the founders of Microsoft or Facebook.
For teens the “in” crowd, and peer
pressure is everything and conformity to those “in crowd” groups may be at the
expense of dropping long seated morals or even specific instructions from
parents or other authority figures. No teen wants to be a part of the outcast, teased or bullied groups. That is hell on earth for a
teen.
Teens know far more about computers than
we do. As I mentioned, I do a lot of work with teens, and they really know how
to coordinate and slide around their parents to get things done. Parents feel
like they are in control by turning on different setting and permissions on
computers and smart phones and guess what, it doesn't even matter. Teens are
three steps ahead of you and they switch networks as soon as a new one comes
out. Facebook to them is old news, Twitter is old news. They are on so many
networks wherein they use different profiles, alias names, etc. that you
will never find out what they are doing, unless you steal their phones from
them before they can lock it. (=
They Don’t Know As Much As They Think They Know
Experts say 50% of everything we know in life we have already learned by five years old. Now, I am sure they are not specifically talking about math and literature, but most of what we learn at that age is how to get our way right? We also learn about love, and consequences and rewards as well. You know, social skills, how to play well and interact with society.
Teens want you to know that latch-key parenting doesn’t
work. It just leaves teen confused, hurting and looking for other things to fill the void. Teens are learning how to do things
without parents, because many parents are too busy to care. The average father only spends five to seven minutes of
quality time a day with their kids. Let me define quality time though. I don’t
mean just sitting there and watching TV together, or even eating or playing
catch together. What I mean is teaching kids about life by speaking positive
thoughts into their lives, explaining, or demonstrating why certain things
matter, why certain behaviors are ok or not ok, and even when they are ok.
Teaching teens how to help someone moving heavy boxes, or open the door for a
woman, or how to balance a paycheck. THAT is quality time.
Teens don’t know how to contain their emotions and
hormones. One of my mentors loves to
make the quote, “You can only trust teenagers as far as you can see them.” What he means is that it’s not that you don’t love your kids, but
you understand that you were a kid once, and you know how you were at their age. During the teenager years we just started
smelling ourselves so to speak, we are discovering ourselves and we are also
discovering more and more about the opposite sex right.
As a parent, knowing that there are so many pressures on
teens to conform to the in-crowd while trying to listen to you at the same
time, and knowing that they inadvertently put themselves into emotionally and
hormone ripe situations for bad things to happen, we have to safeguard and plan for wrong
decisions. The same mentor that made the
quote about “only trusting teens as far as he could see them” also said that
“you are not a good parent if you have never heard “you are the worst dad or
mom in the world,” some where along your parenting journey. It actually means that you are
doing something right. Sometimes, well most of the time, looking out for your
kid’s best interest means that you will have to be strict enough with them that
they will get mad from time to time. We
all know as we mature into adulthood, we came to appreciate most of what are
parents were trying to do with us, and so it will be with your teens. Right now though, they see through a foggy window at best, trying to understand the "pain" you are putting them through by not allowing them to do just anything they want.
Teens Want You To Know That They Love You
Sure, peer pressure and the techno-media have ripped families apart. People are texting instead of talking, while sitting with each at dinner for 30 minutes. The convoluted illusions we portray to the world have become our escape from reality, but guess what, your teens love you! They want you to know it, but they don’t know how to express it. The funny thing is that they feel too childlike when they do. After all they are young adults now!
As parents, let your kids know that they
can express themselves and be honest with you. Recently, I wrote another blog
concerning teens that said that “parents should be their kid’s best friend.”
That is much better than being just an authority figure without a deep
relationship. There is no buy in from the teen to listen to what you have to
say, if it does not concern getting something from you, e.g. money and material things.
Your teens just don’t need a parent, or a
friend, but a best friend that they respect as their parent. They need to know you have their back more than
anyone in this world. Again, I am
speaking about more than just for money and material things. You really need to
invade their space. Be a Space Invader. I know a lot of parents who believe
that giving their teens space to grow is better in the long run. Well, not if
you want them to grow up as you envisioned. Every good gardener prunes the vegetation in
their garden if they care. The space and privacy you give your teens is filled
with all sorts of mess that can truly lead them in bad directions full of worse
decisions. So be a part of their lives, every step of the way.
All in all, teens want quality time. We
talked briefly in the paragraphs above about quality time and what that truly entails. Quality time is simply time devoted
exclusively to nurturing a cherished person or activity. It’s a coined phrase
that can only be traced back to 1985-1990.
Fitting, because that is about the time we, as a society, became so enthralled
in our work that our families began to suffer for it. If there is anything I want you to take away
from this short blog about Teens, it is that they love you and they need you to
be around. Your family is far more important than any job or extracurricular activity.
Our kids are our legacy, and it is our utmost responsibility to rear them up in
the way that they should go.
Thank you for reading and sharing this.
Benjamin “Sensei” Moriniere
www.twitter.com/CapoeiraOkinawa 
No comments:
Post a Comment